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PICNICS with PUKWUDGIES

PICNICS with PUKWUDGIES by Terrie M. Scott, July 31, 2013

Terrie M ScottKids? Don't try this at home. So, this has been an interesting and humorous week. I'll share some things from Facebook so you can see where this is going. 

Monday, July 29th 10:31pm - Terrie here! As luck would have it, I find myself at the Rectory by myself tonight. Tim and I are having "issues" as I have addressed in my blog. I have never in two years been here ALONE. Hearing walking above me. Listening to THE GREAT GATSBY soundtrack.... turning it up REALLY LOUD! Wonder if the Rectory likes jazz/hip hop. Wish me luck. Scared, very much so. Hate being here alone.

Monday, July 29th 11:46pm - Update: Terrie here - so I'm running from room to room flipping the lights on. Cleaning as quickly as I can. How much time can I spend cleaning the kitchen? Oh boy! Stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up the main staircase. Bulb at top burnt out. Pitch black!!!! Are you freaking kidding me? Just stood there, looking up - me against the darkness. Considered not cleaning upstairs at all..... It was a real stand off. Tick tock tick tock. Finally, I addressed the Rectory. "Look, I just need to clean. Leave me alone." Swore under my breath and ran up the dark staircase. I swear I was waiting for something to gobble me up!!!! Ran into first room on left, eyes looking at the ground. I did not look up or around. Too much stuff lurking in shadows, avoided mirrors, corners and moved at lightening speed. Checked the bathroom, hesitated before stepping out into the hallway. Thought I heard a growl. Then did a mad dash down the stairs. Yup. Fun. 

If you guys want to see this in real time? Help out Jay with his Rectory “Big Brother is Watching You” campaign at: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-sedamsville-rectory

Um, I better clarify that. I am referring to “Big Brother” from George Orwell's 1984, not the reality show by the same name, which I have never watched. Thank you for this brief moment in literary history.

On with the blog, today I posted the following on our Facebook page:

“Hey everyone! Terrie here. May I have your attention? Yes, you. Stop and read this. A moment of your time is all I ask. Are you listening? Good. Folks, I beg of you. Please, do not write to me and ask me if the Rectory is "really haunted? can i get possessed? is there demonic spirits there? i don't wanna waste mine and my teams time if you cant *guarantee* one of us will get possessed." Seriously? Yes, I did receive this. More than once. I can't even dignify this with a response....

Sigh. Should I say something like, "August 21st looks pretty quiet, but we have a demon coming in on August 25th. Will that work for you?" And, if anyone ever says this to either Tim or myself upon arrival? I'd hand them a lolly pop, turn them around and send them on their way home. Enough said. Thanks, you may continue on with you day. That is all.”

Yes, it's true. Stupid people DO exist. I know this might come as a shock to some of you. Others know this horrible truth all too well.

This posted started a FIRESTORM of reactions, humorous of course. I'd like to share some of those comments with you.

So sit back, invite a pukwudgie over for a brew and read on.

REPLIES:

Dawn: Just write. Hunt at your own risk. Period. Or Demonic Possessions take place on the third Thursday of each month. See your Ouija Board for more info.

Taylor: What the heck who would want to be possessed?

Eric: Those are the kind of people you don't want into the rectory investigating...they can only cause problems...

Jennifer: OMG I cannot believe someone who ask that ..... Love your comeback @Dawn

Jason: WOW..... I don't even know what else to say but WOW. Idiots like that need to be purged from this field.

Sedamsville Rectory: And, if anyone wants to test that theory, show up with a wad of cash and make some dumb statement like the one I posted in this status? The Rectory? $40 during the week for a private investigation. Your soul? PRICELESS. get a grip. Yes, I know. I can be such a smart ass sometimes. Sorry. ~Terrie

Jennifer: Don't apologize Teri I love your smart ass comments.. It always makes me smile

Jason: That's pretty much like going to a rodeo, but only if it's guaranteed that one of your friends will get gored by the bull..... SMDH....

Tina: lmao

Andrew: So...I "won't" be possessed? Well that just SUCKS! I paid good money and I expect to have at least one member if my team to be possessed! Geez Terrie, what kind of an operation are you folks running?

Sedamsville Rectory: I have a $5 off coupon to the nearest pizza joint. That will have to suffice. But, if you insist? I can have Tim start hissing like a snake as I hurl you down the stairs.

Jennifer: Lol I can have my son who is 3ft dress up with horns and scare the crap outta them

Dawn: White Hill mansion is $35 per person with a minimum of 8 people OR the cash equivalent. I've had people wrote me and say - but there's only 6 people in my group.... Sigh

Andrew: I'll talk with my team. But I still think we'll have to contact either the ACLU or PETOPPP (People for Ethical Treatment Of Pissed-off Possessed People).

Sedamsville Rectory: @Dawn - I don't get it. KIDDING! Put down the knife!! Yes, sad, isn't it?

Sedamsville Rectory: @Andrew - Really? The PETOPPP ? I am not familiar with that organization. Do they accept any sort of possession or just the spitting pee and frothing at the mouth sort? I mean, this guy peed on the floor once? Does he get in?

Andrew: Depends (like the double entendre'?) did he pee out of fear? Or was he marking his territory?

Mary: Lol! Great post! Love it!

Sedamsville Rectory: Gosh, not sure. He was a bit of a loon. Tough call. Could go either way. He was definitely a pisser though. That should at least get him in the PETOPPP door.

Sedamsville Rectory: Do you offer any sort of mentoring program? You know, to advance one's career as a possessed person? Maybe give out cards for which Circle of Hell level they achieve? Just a suggestion.

Andrew: Most definitely! Or at least earn him an honorable mention!

Sedamsville Rectory: Well, all righty then! We'll just have to add a new page to our website. Thanks for your help there sport!

Andrew: BWAAAHAAAHAAA !!

Robert: Wow! That is some crazy people! Too many stupid kids watching too many stupid paranormal shows!

Andrew: We do offer self help programs. It's only a 7 Step Program. Based on Dante's levels

Sedamsville Rectory: Dante? omg Love Dante. Don't even get me started. We can petition the city of Cincinnati to change the Ohio River's name to be called "THE RIVER STYX." Yes!!! I love it when a plan comes together!!

Sedamsville Rectory: @ Robert - Don't be a dream squasher. Everyone needs a hobby. Some just want to get possessed.

Andrew: If it goes through then I call dibs on being the ferry boat keeper for the Stygian Ferry

Robert: Well we ALL want that! Lol.

Sedamsville Rectory: @ Andrew - You called it. You own it. And, you get to wear that nifty long hooded cloak thingy too and carry the tall sickle. Sickle, not cycle. For those easily confused. He's not going biking.

Andrew: Who wants to bet me $5 that somewhere on Craigslist there's just such a group of people?

Andrew: I got the job? WOO-HOO!! Oh yeah! I'm bad!!! Uh huh!

Sedamsville Rectory: You paranormal peeps need to police your own. I'm just sharing the misery. You could have an intervention or Ghost Hunting for Dummies seminar. With all the para-cons? Someone should address this ridiculous notion that getting possessed would be glamorous or cool. yeah, ask Linda Blair how glamorous she felt spewing up pee soup.

Andrew: Have sling blade will travel

Cindy: People. Can be so RUDE! Or just plan old DUMB! Best of luck with this

Sedamsville Rectory: @Andrew - Just don't run carrying pointy sharp objects. Remember what you momma taught you!

Patty: Oh dear!! Lol Some peoples kids!!

Pat: "Stupid is as stupid does."

Andrew: "Possession...is like a box of chocolates. You never know what souls you'll get"

Sedamsville Rectory: I know Jay doesn't have this listed, but if you donate a $1? It comes with a free possession. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-sedamsville-rectory

Andrew: Or...we can take it out of context..."Possession is 9/10 of the law"!

Sedamsville Rectory: We could go on all night like this. Seriously.

Patti: HAhahah u crack me up....

Sedamsville Rectory: “It appears that ordinary men take wives because possession is not possible without marriage, and that ordinary women accept husbands because marriage is not possible without possession” ― Thomas Hardy, Far from the Madding Crowd - - - Hear that all you single guys? Want to get possessed? Get married. Yes, I know that's NOT what he means by possession. Well, daaa.

Aaron: What possesses some people?

Andrew: I thought they just called it "being whipped"? Huh...live and learn. THAT'S your sign!!! OMG... Put up a sign that says, " Possession is 9/10 of the law and we here follow the law!".

Sedamsville Rectory: Well, if you're going to get "possessed" at least have a sense of humor about it.

Andrew: Exactly!

Sedamsville Rectory: (throws hands in the air in total agreement)

Sharon: I'm always amazed by the stupidity of some people. They walk among us. Lol.

Sedamsville Rectory: I realize we're all having a bit of fun with this, but Daddy. Oops, I mean TIM just reminded me that we DO take this seriously. HENCE, my post. (I asked if he actually read what I wrote! I AM taking this seriously, that's the point) Don't seek out possessions. If you do? You have no business ghost hunting, IMHO.

William: Wait there's more! If you act now we will add a second Possession and poltergeist activity absolutely free! We guarantee this to be 100% real and on demand or we will keep your soul!

Sedamsville Rectory: Impress your friends! Not one, but TWO possessions for the price of one. (I'm going to get in trouble with Daddy)

William: How can someone expect it to be real of you could guarantee an event? I agree if you are looking for the DARKSIDE of a haunting you should not be investigating...

Sedamsville Rectory: I don't even answer emails like that. I don't want to encourage them. But, in all fairness William, we do guarantee "picnics with pukwudgies" on Thursday evenings.

William: lol! If they have skyline coneys I may show up! But I would like a side order of ectoplasm.

Andrew: Is there any kind of money/soul back guarantee offered?

Sharon: Lmao. You're all funny. I'm the founder if a paranormal group in Texas, and while we do take investigations seriously, if you don't keep your sense of humor you'll go crazy. Lol.

Sedamsville Rectory: Next Tuesday at Sedamsville rectory. Dancing with the poltergeist – Tim

Sharon: Some of the things we go through with the living make ghost hunting seem tame by comparison.

Andrew: Will you be playing Billie Idol by any chance?

Sharon: I'll have my dance card ready.

Andrew: "Possessing with myself"

Sedamsville Rectory: Billy idol ... With a ghostly yell. She cried boo boo boo

Sedamsville Rectory: Bring the wife and kiddies - Skyline, Krispy Kremes, Billy Idol and PUKWUDGIES. Additional charge for Pics with Pukwudgies though and please, no autographs!

Andrew: Aaahahaha !!

William: Yes I would like to book an overnight with a dual Possession without the spinning head a pea soup vomit. I would like the walls of blood and amplified "Get Out!" The clapping hands in a dark closet too if you have those now too. I think that should be good for now. Please tell me when you get the new Japanese full body ghosts though. Those are cool. Btw when you going to get the incubus and succubus packages? Or is that a Vegas only thing? Lol

Sedamsville Rectory: We do offer the hanging from the ceiling Hecubus package, which I think will work well with you.

Jonathan: This was great!!! It just made my day lol, thanks Terrie!!!

Sedamsville Rectory (takes bow) Thank you, kind sir. I was going to say, "The devil made me do it." But Tim would confiscate my laptop. oops, let it slip out anyway.

Last and certainly not least... Ed: Scratch-n-sniff sulfer, vomit, and burning hair cards will be available soon.


******

I am glad those of you in the paranormal community can laugh at yourselves. Love you guys.

Sigh... So. Yes, you get the point. It is NOT okay to write to me and asked if you will get possessed or if I can guarantee demonic activity. Anyone that would ever guarantee activity period is full of it.

“Release the Ghosts” It doesn't work like that. And, why on earth would anyone seek out possession? Some things are just too stupid too respond to.

I'll guarantee possession and a bottle of this magic elixir. Yeah, right.

How many times do we have to say it? Good judgment and common sense. Request for demonic possessions? That's a form of “entertainment” we don't sanction or offer. Sorry.

As charming as it sounds? We will NOT be hosting a “PICNIC WITH PUKWUDGIES” event any time soon. As hard as we tried to make this dream a reality, negotiations simply broke down. They wanted their own trailer... an expensive brand of mineral water ... round the clock catering... They were charging us appearance fees and residuals. A make-up artist and hair stylist? I mean really? When they demanded we supply a photo booth and t-shirt stand? Well, we just had to put our foot down. Just WAY out of our price range. They're going to the Stanley Hotel in Colorado instead. You can catch them their with the Dancing Demon of Denver.

But, we are able to bring you Devil Diva's from the Dixie. For a small price, they will scare the hell out of you and smack you around a bit. And, I hear they put on one helluva floor show. Will this suffice?

That thumping sound is my head banging the keyboard.

PLEASE PEOPLE. Be smart. Stay safe. This isn't child's play. And, although we are having a humorous look at the sheer stupidity of some folks. This IS a serious issue and NO ONE should be messing with this stuff.

Okie dokie? I'm heading off now for a bottle of my Pukwudgie Ale. Enjoy your day.

Pukwudgie